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Bismillah.

Peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah, our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW.

In all the many entries of this blog since 2019, little to no mention is made about my family.

It does not, of course, mean that they don't mean that much to me. Of course they do, even though the words on this site is always for other things.

You see, as of this moment, one of the things that I'm most grateful to Allah for is to simply have family members to be with and how our relationships have been and still are colourful. Sometimes these beautiful moments happen and you feel your heart smiling inside and only to Allah can you direct that indescribable joy. 

Isn't that a great enough blessing from above? Which of the favours of our Lord then, do we deny?

In these final hours before I leave, InshaAllah, one of my frequent Dua(s) is that I'll be able to make the best out of my time here with them. Being the eldest, I can't say that I've satisfyingly fulfilled my responsibility towards my younger siblings but Alhamdulillah for every single second that has passed. I pray that Allah will take good care of their religion and also their worldly affairs. 

Another thing that's worth mentioning is it became super obvious to me recently how much sacrifice my parents have made for my sake. Wallahi I don't think I'll ever be able to make it up for everything they've done and only Allah has the best of rewards. It makes total sense now how in the Quran, there's great emphasis on the correct treatment of parents like how we're not supposed to say even the slightest word of disapproval, etc. Subhanallah !

May Allah forgive the sins of all our parents and show mercy on them as they have taken care of us even before we were born. May Allah grant them the highest ranks in Jannah and save them from the torments of the hereafter. And may Allah give us guidance and the strength to treat our parents with the best of treatments until our last breath.

Alhamdulillah for the blessing of family. 

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This will most probably be my last entry for a very long time. Don't long for my return but instead read the many entries written, and share what is good ✌ May there be at least some benefit to anyone at all, who knows?

Thank you in advance, whoever you are. If you're one of those who stayed since the very beginning, you have my sincere appreciation & adoration. May Allah grant you happiness in both worlds, as you have made me happy when you read what I write : )

Alhamdulillah, for everything.

A Journey Memorable

 

                                   

At the very start of being on Gombak Campus

Bismillah

2019

I've been here for a week and Alhamdulillah I've encountered a lot of things. Listening to all the talks and speeches from the great people of the Uni's authority such as the rector himself has at least a bit made me inspired to be someone more than who I currently am.

 It makes me really want to uphold the philosophy and vision of IIUM which is something that's actually really beautiful if you ask me. Before this in my previous school, it was already popularized how the school was meant to integrate the academics with Islamic values and qualities. Did they manage to make it work? I'm not sure.

Well, I'd say yes but not entirely as it's not easy. Anyway, I think this university right here has a way bigger potential of making it happening. And honestly, I think that if the process goes well, there will be a huge breed of competent leaders and intellectuals that are packaged with the proper Islamic values and high moral integrity. In other words, future Khalifah(s) and leaders of the world. May Allah make that a reality, Ameen.

Yeah man I get that the students come from a variety of backgrounds and social upbringings, so it might not be that simple to change the way people are by just a few talks and reminders. First of all, it takes time. However, let's just appreciate what the Uni's doing it trying to instill the qualities of a well-round leader in the students here and try to help as much as possible by at least showing cooperation and support to its sound agendas. And perhaps with the help of time, InshaAllah we will all improve for the better.

If you're reading this and you're the 'meh' type or the type of just doesn't care about these things, well I think you should think again and consider pondering about the points above. And besides, we all made that oath ( Bai'ah ), right? That's some serious stuff, actually.

 Whatever the rector/ former rector said that day on stage was actually pretty important and insightful. In my opinion, If we only came here to lollygag and study to just pass those grades, then we're not really the distinguished students that we're meant to be. So seek to be something more and improve ourselves for the sake of Allah and for a better future together. We need to stand up and bring prosperity to the world with whatever effort we make. And believe me, if you're reading this, then you're up for it. With Allah's will, everybody is. All it takes is the realization and the proper amount of effort.

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After almost 1 semester here ↓

I like the variety of cultures and lifestyles here. Personally, I like to observe people and coming here, It's so fascinating to see how people have their own beliefs and values that they hold onto and not to mention their choice of behaviour and social conduct. It's all related to elements in Sociology and Psychology, I guess. On a personal level, before being a student of this university, I was a student of a "religious school" which is synonymously known or can be simply translated in our words as "budak sekolah agama". Upon entering, I completely forgot how the students that are registering are from a myriad of educational backgrounds and social upbringings. 

I was kind of shocked at first to encounter all sorts of behaviour especially the ones deemed by me as unpleasant or outlandish. But anyway, that just proves to show how I was too comfortable in my own social bubble and never did bother to see things from a wider perspective or in other people's point of view. I failed to understand what they did because I never put my feet in their shoes. The reason I'm bringing up this matter is that I believe there are many more who are like me and just need a shift of perspective to have a better way of living harmoniously with everybody around us. 

And in order to make things work and get along with everybody, we ought to realize that we're more similar than we think and our differences aren't supposed to make us opposed to one another. Being students at this University, we have to focus on something way more important which is to bring good to the community any way we can and that can only be done if we put aside our differences. We're in this together and to 'lead the way' is a collective responsibility that should be shared by all.

After almost 2 years here ↓

2021

I don't really know how to start. It's kind of odd because there's a plot twist here in the middle of this degree-pursuing journey. Or should I say, the end of it?

About this major that I'm in, the joyous spark of delving into people and their minds has probably faded. I no longer see how all this that I've signed up for is for me. My heart yearns for something else and there is indeed a rationale behind it. Without revealing too much in one blow, let me just say that this overturn of story involves the pursuit of the Islamic sciences. Somewhere very far away from local soil where my blood spills.

Towards these last ten days of Ramadhan, in spite of the underwhelming quality of my acts of worship, I still make at least a bit of Nawaafil and recite the Istikharah Du'a almost every single day. To ask for acumen and discernment, and to see if this path is the right one to take. At the moment, I hope that it is. Allah knows best.

If this journey really ends in the near future, I plan to leave without saying goodbye. Because if anything, goodbyes are hard and I've never been really good at it. That, or just, I can't stand the attention from people knowing that I'm leaving.

 What's fine is a sudden leave without prior notice. No big deal should be made out of it. I'm just trying to find my way; aren't we all? it's just that I don't think I'll find mine here at this University. If this news concerns you, for whatever reason, then I pray that Allah will allow us to meet each other some time again in the future.

Until then, May Allah bless every step that we take.

A Year Later

2022

Bismillah. Peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah. 

Alhamdulillah for every single thing, for He his indeed the Most Generous, Most Merciful.

I went from "Dean's List to Drop Out" (sick!). My days are numbered and now I have less than 30 before flying, InshaAllah. It's no longer a secret now and most of them already know so there was, in fact, a goodbye or farewell of sorts. I pray the best for all of the people I was blessed to meet there. May Allah's limitless mercy descend upon them. May Allah take good care of their lives and ease all their affairs.

It's the 26th of Ramadhan, 1443 H today as this final piece is written. I had the chance to experience Ramadhan on campus the other day for the first time since 2013 and from the bottom of my heart, let me just say that it was the best Ramadhan night I've had for a very long time, especially because of the Taraweeh experience that was to me, out of this world MashaAllah.

I'd love for more of that but of course, Allah knows best so Alhamdulillah for everything. 

10/5/2022

I think it's fine to say that the last few years were really colourful. I'm grateful to have met this super diverse set of people and it really influenced my view on many things. Joining Perkim was a decision that I do not regret and if there's any club I'd recommend a junior to join, Perkim Club IIUM would be it for a lot of good reasons. May Allah bless them all.

Then it's my encounters and moments spent with every other person there, from my roommates ( Mul Lutfi, Kimi, Naim ) to the cashier guy of Siddiq's Kiosk who I wasn't so awkward with and was apparently into poetry/literature for some reason. I pray the best for them all.

I guess this marks the end of my years in The Garden. Sure a lot of the time was spent online but Alhamdulillah anyway.

 Let this entry be the end of what was indeed a memorable journey : )

 

If everything goes as planned, I'll be 'continuing' my studies somewhere so very far away and the leave is due in a few days time InshaAllah. Like I said, my days are numbered. Maybe this is the time to be as 'Malaysian' as possible while I still can. I pray that I'll make the best out of these final moments, be it when I spend them with my family members or when I meet old friends just to check them out before leaving.

Pray for me, yes? and may every Du'a be returned to you, whoever you are, a thousand times and more.

Barakallahufiikum

Alhamdulillah.

Write & Share

            

 Bismillah.

Peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah, our Prophet Muhammad SAW.

Before anything else, I would like to thank everyone who has been reading what I write. Although the number of viewers was never a priority, it's still something to be thankful and grateful for so Alhamdulillah,

and thank you.

I think it's fair to say that I take every entry to heart. None of them was written half-heartedly and I meant every word. The whole point of it was this idea of sharing what I have with other people and to spread what may be beneficial. Alhamdulillah I think it went well and a lot of positive feedback was received.

 What needs to be understood is that you often don't get it directly, the responses. There is such a thing as silent readers and sometimes they only talk about your writings in the least expected of places. So for those who feel discouraged to write because you're scared of the public's opinion, don't be. Just go on with it. You'll never know what will happen if you don't try.

So try.

One of the advantages of this endeavor is that you'll be leaving behind a legacy. A Jaariah for people to benefit from. Think about the many good things that you write about and imagine what people can get when they read your many writings. Imagine the chain of rewards that keeps on increasing in length long after your last written word. 

 And what you write about doesn't necessarily have to have an "Islamic scent" or "Da'wah element" to it. Sometimes just an honest or sincere reflection of an event from your life can really help other people, by the will of Allah.

However, of course, there is this possibility of inviting diseases of the heart like arrogance, ostentation or vanity so it's important to be extra careful in that aspect. Remember that every blessing we have is from Allah. And remember to always renew our intention of doing all this.

Anyway, allow me to end by inviting all of us to write & share and not hold back. For verily we are in dire need of His mercy and one way to chase it is by collecting as many good deeds as we can, while we still can : )

Alhamdulillah.

The Quran Speaks Louder

 

Bismillah. Ramadhan Mubarak.

For 20 years I've been in the city.

For 20 years I've been in luxury.

Last year was like a gap year, a transit before heading out to somewhere far away. 

Maybe this year, at 22, things will be different.

One of the things that really got to me was the fast pace of time. It got me forcing myself to slow down, staring into nothingness at times while hoping that time too, would slow down.

What happened instead was I was made to seriously and deeply think about life and what comes afterwards. It was like a death meditation as I went through a kind of existential phase. What added the feels too was hearing the many deaths of people from all over, be it strangers in the news or relatives of the big family tree. Then the pausing and staring came quite often, perhaps due to how my place is surrounded by nature and sort of detached from the vices of modernity. 

It was some time afterwards, I think, that I rediscovered the Quran. 

What I realized for myself, by Allah's will, is that the Quran speaks the truth. Its messages are profound. Every sentence is huge, bigger than you & me. Around the world and throughout history, a lot of people have been profoundly affected by it.  Lives were changed because of it, by Allah's will. It was only recently that I got a glimpse of why.

Not during my 5 years of memorizing back then, but only recently. Alhamdulillah. Perhaps all the strange events of last year did the trick and were all actually grounds for preparation for something great. The light at the end of a dark tunnel. A blessing in foolproof disguise. Alhamdulillah all the way. 

So for those reading, I advise all of us to keep reading the Quran. Stick with it. Stay with it, never let it go. And the next time you pick up a Mushaf, before starting to recite, try to surrender yourself to it. Submit to it. Bear in mind that these are the words of God and they really do have important things to tell you, we just have to be ready to listen.

May Allah allow His words to penetrate our hearts in this blessed month in which it was revealed, make us feel the sweetness of every letter from the Quran and allow us to be its close companion in this world and in the next. Amiin.

Alhamdulillah

P.S. For listening recommendations, I suggest Shaykh Abdul Rashid Ali Sufi, a Quran reciter that I just recently knew about. His recitations are calm, slow and peaceful, MashaAllah. I really recommend listening to him.

استودعكم الله

Bismillah

Peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah, our Prophet Muhammad SAW.

May Allah forgive all our sins, and the sins of everyone we know. 

May Allah guide us to the right path, and never lead us astray.

For all the people who we meet and cross fates with, lest we forget that they are a reflection of ourselves. None of those we know are perfect, and neither are we. 

But the love we sow knows no boundaries or conditions. Have compassion and pray for every single soul.

Ever since 2018 when I first set foot on the Garden, I've encountered all sorts of people and am eternally grateful for that. The 17 year-old me would be probably be aghast at how my social circle expanded and well, includes too those of the other gender.

For the latter, I find the whole experience rather intriguing and I remember labelling interaction with them as an art, since it involves a line that shouldn't be crossed to stay blessed. 

I think the line went further as the years passed and I think I learned much of what there is out there to be friendly and at the same time, careful. So thank you, to whom it may concern and I pray that Allah accepts all our good deeds.

استودعكم الله

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It was starry that night, a sight like no other. I couldn't remember the last time I saw this many stars in the sky, and now I'm witnessing it here with full of awe in the land of Ulu Dong. I imagine people living in desert lands like the Muslims of Mauritania and how they marvel at the sight of this in their many nights. I assume they appreciate this phenomenon better because unlike us, a lot of them are detached from modernity or what we have of modern entertainment.

After around 21 years, I think I've seen much of the modern world to not want to be in it anymore. I think of the simple lives of the Bedouins of the desert lands and find my heart yearning for an environment like that. Away from modernity, from technology. 

I've walked through KL. Went on Saloma Bridge. Kinokuniya. It's all beautiful, yes but I've had enough of all those after 21 years. It's time to live life anew and I really think it's time to make that move. 

Time is rapidly moving and it will leave us panting to catch up if we don't pay attention. And these days with the likes of Social Media, TV and the internet, it's probably harder than ever in history to pay attention. So what I conceive is to go to where there's lack of all the aforementioned distractions. 

The former doctor who lives in Pamah Kulat probably gave the most surprised reaction when he found out that I'm not finishing this degree even though I'm already in my 3rd year. I didn't waver, because it's not as simple as how I think he thinks it is. And besides, I made Istikharah so InshaAllah it's fine. From the outset, it does appear to be a major waste since I won't be receiving a degree certificate in Psychology even though I'm so close in terms of years and a degree certificate is known today as the least one must have to survive with a decent career. 

But this move or leave isn't for my Dunya, it's for my Akhirah. If it's for the former, then yes perhaps it's a great loss. 

You see, out of all honesty, I miss having a close companionship with the Quran. I also strongly believe that I have much to learn in regard to the Islamic sciences, and IIUM just won't cut it. I've seen how traditional or classical teaching methods positively affect people and frankly, I've had enough of the modern education system after 13 years. What comes later isn't necessarily better, if you must know.

I've read somewhere that you don't travel to see different things, but to see things differently. It's well-known that a lot of those who study abroad or have travelled to places have an expanded horizon and wider view of things. I yearn for that. I pray for that. I imagine a setting far from my own kin and away from conditions that bring constant comfort. I pray to get out and see new things and come back a better man, InshaAllah.

Of late, I've been really drawn into sights of the Muslim world outside Malaysia whether through Youtube videos or books that take me to different countries. My heart longs to bring me there and I pray that I will, set foot there. 

 Thank you for reading. I ask that you pray for me, and may every Du'a be returned to you, dear reader. A thousand times and more.

Alhamdulillah.

Rihlah

 

Bismillah.

You did it, kid. You have feelings now.

Is this how the others have always felt? Surely I must've been missing out on something so profound and meaningful. 

It's one of the things that sets us apart from other creations, for what are humans without emotions.

The sorrow was and is genuine. It came last night and stayed, lingering and lurking. Perhaps it didn't dawn on me just then that I really feel something strong for all of it. For every single moment spent in the Garden, with every single blessed person there. I miss it, I really do. 

I guess some flowers aren't meant to stay in this Garden. They are to bloom elsewhere.

What is this, that's constantly grabbing my attention, reminding me of the memories that were made and cherished. Heavy is how my heart feels like, like I can't move on from a distant past and from the people who decorated it. As I sit alone now reminiscing about the time gone, I honestly yearn for all of it once more. It's truly among the many undeniable gifts from Allah, the people and the memories made with them.

I cried as I sat near Kimi and Lutfi while following the Masjid Negara's Imam reciting Yasin after Maghrib, because of what the verses meant and the scenery of the open-air praying area. It was so powerful and haunting. I loved how we walked tiresomely throughout the day and ended up praying Maghrib and Isya' in Masjid Negara, KL. My legs were weak but it was all worth it because it meant spending time with the two people mentioned, perhaps for one last time.

I also loved the Maghrib prayer at the One Selayang Musolla on Saturday night, a Jamaah of two, the other being Mu'adz. I left Al-Buruj there, just as I have left Al-A'la at the Zabedah Mosque of ISTAC and Al-Qiyamah at SHAS during the afternoon of what may be my last Jumu'ah there. 

I had absolutely no proper plan of what to do or say as I came up to the LEMOI people in FSC the next day. Usually if that's the case, I won't bother going or paying a visit because it'll probably end up awkward. But I did, and I didn't regret it. I said what I believe was meant to be said and Alhamdulillah, I think it all went well. We never know when's the last time we spend with someone, which is why we should make every second spent with them count.

 I'm not extroverted, outgoing, highly sociable or can fit in with absolutely everybody and have countless friends. I'm quite the contrary actually but that doesn't stop me from being happy in these people's presence, and sad in their absence, which is how I'm feeling right now.

You did it, kid. You have emotions now. 

Alhamdulillah all the way. Thank you, everyone : )

                    

         

Landed

 

Bismillah. 

What this is is my story with Perkim, to whom it may concern and for me to read and look back on it in the future.

I was actually really looking forward to come on the 30th of December, since I didn't get to go on the 30th of the previous month. Trust me when I say that if the circumstances were different, I'd probably already be on campus a long time ago but it is how it is and what we as servants have to do is to submit and accept whatever our Lord has in store for us. Even before the flood, there were already some trying challenges here at home but with the grace of Allah, Alhamdulillah I made it. 

Anyway, I think it was an absolutely fascinating journey especially since on my part, unlike most of the people in the lineup, it was completely online in front of the laptop! 

I was blessed with wonderful bureau members:

Mirul who was super good at managing and leading the bureau alongside his sense of humor.

Jihah who's one of the most enthusiastic and spirited people I've ever met.

Kak Syerah who was out-of-the-world diligent and always managed to make time for us even though she's packed with her Law studies.

And Kak Faz, our amazingly dedicated Person In Charge who calmly guided and led the way. Tenang lagaknya.

I could never have asked for better people for the bureau.